dramapunk

I am losing confidence in everything. I don't take joy in anything anymore. Most days I don't even feel like I exist. I really don't exist. I am vanishing more and more everyday.

I am pourless to make a change, I have lost the confidence that used to let me take risks, I don't have any friends. I don't have anyone to lean on.

I don't believe I have any skills, I don't like my art anymore, I don't like my photography, or my writing. I don't exist, I am not a real person, I am a shell of something that used to have a soul, that used to be filled with love and hope. Now I am an empty shell, all I do is sit and think of the best ways to kill myself.

I don't read comics anymore, I don't read books anymore, I don't read newspapers anymore, I don't smile, I don't enjoy role play, I don't enjoy gaming, or costuming, or all the things that used to spark some happiness in me. I miss those things so much it hurts but I can't have them anymore. Because I am a useless piece of shit with no job. Whose art doesn't sell, whose writing doesn't sell, who can't even get a retail job.

I am starting to feel like applying to grad school was a waist of money, I applied a year ago, and got reject from every single program I applied too, what's the definition of stupidity? Repeating things over and over again when you know you are going to get the same results.

I have no hope, I am not even a person anymore.